- Excuse me, I've got a text message saying the president is speaking tonight in a few minutes. Do you know anything about this?
- The Internet says he's speaking on a matter of grave national security.
- Yeah, I've got the same thing.
- I've got a flight that's been canceled.
- Does that have anything to do with what--
- Has there been a terrorist attack?
No.
- Wait, there's been a terrorist attack?
- No, there hasn't.
- I've got an email saying we're at war with Libya.
Nope.
- You guys know what's going on, don't you?

Folks, there hasn't been a terrorist attack.
None of your friends and family are in danger.
The president will be speaking in just a few minutes.
- No.
Listen, they're just nervous.
- I don't care.
- You do not take over control of the cabin.
They're getting emails and going online, and seeing--
- You do not take over control of the cabin ever.
- Now sit down.
- I'm getting the captain.
Ma'am, no, you know-- Yeah, get the captain, 'cause I'd like to have a word with him.
The seat belt while we're standing still is one thing, but how paranoid do you have to be to think that I'm declaring myself in charge of the--
- Is there a problem, sir?
Yeah, I was asking how paranoid you have to--
You have to be--
- Sir? Sir?

Captain, my name is Don Keefer.
That's Elliot Hirsch and that's Sloan Sabbith.
We work for Atlantis Cable News.
And we wanted you and your first officer and Flight Attendant Crazy Lady to be the first ones on this plane to know that our armed forces killed Osama bin Laden for you tonight.

- You're serious?