Sup this ya boy DJ Quet! Beast mode DJ esquire DJ! I'm gonna show you how you're supposed to beat them, man, know what I'm saying? I want you to try and pay attention, man, there ain't gonna be no push button DJ goin' on. No, there ain't gonna be no push button! Real DJ, I'm tellin' ya! You gonna have a good time from the beginning to- beginning of the clip to the end of the clip, I'm tellin ya man, now pay attention! There ain't gonna be none of this, man, it's gonna be, it ain't gonna be nothin' like this, man! Not like this! None of, no push button DJ, hold on, ain't gonna be nothing like this.

So how excited are you to see your little baby? (So excited.) Oh, I need to tell you about my night last night. (Oh, tell me all about it!) So I'm hanging out in my apartment, I've got some candles lit, I'm feeling good, I've had a glass of wine... (Gotcha.) And down in the street I hear these two beautiful boys playing. They're skateboarding or doing flips or something. And one of them looks up at me and has the most beautiful face I've ever seen. Asian. (Beautiful.) And you know how I like a little Asian. Remember my date with Len? (Very well.) The point is, I say "woohoo boys!", and they sort of look. The one who isn't Asian is black.

(Thi- this, you don't have to- this could be a colorblind story.) Nah, but I feel life with color. (Yeah, but, I'm just saying that it's like, there's a race problem in Hollywood right now.) And in America! A race-ISM problem. (I agree!) Well this story isn't racist, it's diverse. If everyone in it was white, then it would be racist, Caleb Gallo. (You know what? You're right. Go ahead.)

So the boys come up to my apartment and I'm wearing a robe. I'm ONLY wearing a robe. And I say "why don't you come up in my boudoir and watch me do a monologue?" And they say "where's the bed?" And I say "this is the bed right here." And they say "can we sit on the bed?" And I say "sure, but these are expensive Japanese linen." And they say "but they're not even soft."

And I say... "Sometimes... things that are expensive... are worse." (Wow.) So anyway-

If I'm shinin', everybody gonna shine (yeah, I'm goals)
I was born like this, don't even gotta try (now you know)
I'm like chardonnay, get better over time (so you know)
Heard you say I'm not the baddest, bitch, you lied

This is the Crazy Frog!
Bing bing
Bem bem
Bing bing
Bem bem

(Wow.) So anyway I sucked both their dicks. (Did you do the monologue?) I did an early work by the master.